nicu

By day nine in the NICU, Josh was off the nose canuals, breathing on his own and alert and happy. The permanent IV called a PIC line that ran directly from his leg into his heart had been removed. His first bottle had not gone well and Dr. X was completely angry with me for the whole thing, as if it was my fault for having the bottle in the first place. She lectured me one day on not rushing Josh. He was about to graduate to a whole new place, the Progressive Care Unit.

Dr. X ordered for my breast milk to be fortified with HMF which adds calories to the breast milk. That night when we left, I was so excited to come in the next day to move our son to the PCN. Arriving that morning, I was immediately informed that Josh would be going nowhere. During the night he had spit up large amounts and had several bradys. This was the first time I heard about any episodes he was having and I was very shaken. I was also cruelly disappointed that he was to remain in the NICU. While it was a frightening to take him out of the NICU and way from Andrea, the PCN meant moving forward, moving closer to home. I noticed that Andrew’s spot was empty as was the spot of another baby we knew. They left, but we remained. It was the very first argument I started with Dr. X, but it would in no way be the last.

That night I brought a gift for Andrea and a letter. It read as follows.

Dear Andrea,

Words cannot begin to express to you our gratitude for the care you have given Josh these past twelve days. It was so lucky that we happened to meet you that first night. We can’t begin to imagine what our time in the NICU would have been like without you. Whenever we speak of you to others, we like to say that having you there is like leaving Josh with one of our trusted friends and not in the care of a nurse. Josh loves you such much and will miss you as he takes this next step closer to home. He knows that you will visit him in the NPCN and we know he’ll be looking forward to seeing your smiling face. We hope that you know that you are so welcome to visit him any time here in our home as well!! Bath time just won’t be the same now. We have so enjoyed sharing with you the happy times and the sad. You’ve been such a source of comfort and trust to us and a source of strength for Josh. We know that his moving on has more to do with your care than anything else. We know that your love helped him to grow. When people have never been through an experience like this, they can’t understand how quickly you bond with people who are taking care of you or taking care of your child. We hope that you know that you are much more than a nurse to us. You’ve become a very good friend. Please promise you’ll always stay in touch. You know we won’t let Josh leave without telling you goodbye, but we wanted to say goodbye ourselves in a small way, to let you know how much you have meant to our family during this difficult and joyous time.

With our love and thanks,

Matt and Kelly