I wrote the following for my friends as a joke about how much effort we all put into Christmas cards anymore! Here were a couple attempts at that perfect picture!
Picture. Dress the kids. Just put this on. You can take it right back off. Just wear it. Do you want ice cream? Sit right here. Don't touch the tree. Can you hold your brother? Don't strangle him. Hey guys! Wait. Can you just hold him. Okay. Look at me. Look at the camera. Can you smile? Can you just not make him turn blue? Do you want ice cream? What do you want? Just leave that alone. Really. Can you look over here? Both of you? One of you? Should I just draw a picture of the two of you? Why is he crying? Forget it. Just go change. Ice cream for what? Strangling your brother? Fine. I am going upstairs. None of these turned out. This one looks okay. Who needs eyes open? I give up. I'll just use this one. Now which card? Which site? Good Lord, people make a mint off cards. This one is okay. It says Merry Christmas. Hmmmm...how about Happy holidays? This one is good. Upload the picture. Time for the wording. Done. HOW MUCH? Yikes. Okay, at least that part is over. I'll need to buy stamps. 100 stamps? I'll have to go to the post office. Stand in line. Oy. Crap. I don't even have return address labels. Maybe Hallmark. I'll just stop in. How did I spend $40? At least I got the paper for the poem. Now just to write it. Then print these labels. No! I don't have ink. Office Depot. How much does ink cost? $15??? For ink? Fine. I'll take it. Just gotta figure out how to print the labels. Have to write the poem. Can't just make it a limerick. Gotta try. That's done. Who needs spell check. Wait for the cards. Labels done. They aren't right. Who cares? Now just to address them. Wait, these people moved. I don't even know these people. Do they really need a card? Do we even talk to them? Let's not send one to your second cousin. Can you put the stamps on? What do you mean you are busy? It's basketball!! Just do it. Do you want ice cream?
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